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“FUTURE” [distant screams]

I’m not really sure what the term ‘Senioritis’ means, but I’m pretty sure I have it.

“Senioritis”, I’m pretty sure, means something to do with having a major nervy-b after realizing that you only have a few months of education left. Which yeah, is exactly me right now.

Anyone who has read any of my blog posts before (and if you haven’t then what are you doing? Why do you insult me this way?) will know that I’ve got a place at university waiting for me to take in September, and my University application process went… well, bloody brilliantly, if I’m honest.

But here’s where the annoying part comes in.

I’m one of those people that will be really sure of something, plan it all out, be really excited and then just… not. Something shifts, and I change my mind. And yeah, that happened. Again. It happened when I was changing from high school to college (the equivalent to the last 2 years of high school for Americans), and it’s happening now. I’m having another quarter-life crisis.

I don’t know whether it was the realization that I’d be moving a few hours away and living on my own, or the idea of being in insane debt for the rest of my life, or just the worry that I wouldn’t enjoy it that started me thinking, but it was definitely something. Before my freak out started, everyone – including me – always just assumed that I’d be going to uni. I won’t lie, I’m clever. I got all A’s in my GCSEs (apart from Art… but we don’t talk about that) and I’m doing well (ish) at my A levels. The next obvious step is to get my degree.

But you see… the industry I want to work in isn’t necessarily academic. If I wanted to be a doctor, a teacher or… I don’t know, work for the Queen (?), then I would need a degree. But at the moment, my biggest goal is to be an editor. Or a journalist. Or something to do with the media. And I’m not sure a degree is the most needed thing to do that.

So I started researching jobs, I started researching alternatives like trainee ships and apprenticeships. And while they all sound cool… I’m still not sure.

I’ve applied for my accommodation at my chosen uni, its still a back-up plan and its useful to have my place. I just don’t want to only go to university because it was the easiest option and I couldn’t think of anything else. If I’m not going to be passionate about what I’m doing, I really don’t see the point. (Also: I’m terrified.) (Also: it’s blood far away).

Do you see my problem?

I guess the main issue here is pretty much just that I’m being an indecisive little bad-word, but that’s who I am. I won’t lie. I’m the most indecisive person I’ve ever met (I’m lovable though).

I just really want some arrow-shaped cloud to appear in the sky, detailing exactly what to do with my life. Or a guardian angel to tell me in a dream which direction to take. Or maybe a fortune cookie to explicitly tell me what to be in life. Yeah. That’d be nice.

Til next time,

Jess

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