The Contraceptive Injection // My Experience

(This may well be a bit TMI for some people. If you’re not mature enough to talk about contraception or “Girl Stuff” without being a dick, please just don’t read this at all. Thanks.)

Introduction

After struggling my whole life to take pills like painkillers, I didn’t think that taking The Contraceptive Pill was going to be much different. And it wasn’t. Even though the Pill is literally the smallest thing ever, I struggled with swallowing it. It wasn’t for me. But, as people close to me (mainly women, would you believe) told me, I needed some kind of safety method.Continue reading “The Contraceptive Injection // My Experience”

New Year, New “You Really Can’t Do This”

I get new years resolutions. I really do. I get that everyone secretly makes them, and everyone pretty much fails them, unless they’re some sort of God or sorcerer or something. And it’s completely normal to make a goal and maybe not reach it, especially on January 1st.

There’s all this hype about New Years and beginning afresh.Continue reading “New Year, New “You Really Can’t Do This””

Updates: Noses, University and Christmas!

Hello and happy holidays! I’ve been AWOL for a while now from this little blog and I’d like to apologize (not that anyone really cares lol) for being away.

The last time I posted was at the start of November when I got my nose pierced. That’s healed up completely fine in the mean time, no problems whatsoever! (Except when it gets knocked and the stud pokes out… ouch). So no real problems to report there.

I’ve also in this time sent off my university applications (eeek!!).Continue reading “Updates: Noses, University and Christmas!”

Keeping Busy

It feels like for the longest time now, I’ve just not stopped?

Not in the way of ‘I’ve not slept in weeks’ or ‘I’ve been incredibly busy doing this huge personal project’ or anything massive like that. It just kind of feels like for a few months now, I haven’t really let myself think.

I don’t tend to be alone very much any more. I don’t tend to sit and do nothing much. I keep myself extremely busy. And there is a reason for this.Continue reading “Keeping Busy”

A Beginner’s Guide to a Trichy Life: Introductions

Am currently sat, wondering how on earth to start this blog post. I know what I want it to be about, and roughly what I should mention… but how to start?

How do I introduce to, possibly total strangers, what I struggle with on a daily basis? How do I accurately explain to those reading (admittedly, not many), something that I feel defines me so? Where do I even begin?

Maybe from the beginning? Might be an idea?

Continue reading “A Beginner’s Guide to a Trichy Life: Introductions”

This Place // Poetry Series Part 5

This house is not a home

Built with faded walls and

Crumbling ceilings

of words never meant.

This room is not a living room

The walls are too cold

and the living never enter,

Only lies, only death.

A green door,

Scratched paint, a faded number

Never judge a book,

Never judge a home

By its cover.

What you see is not

What is there.

A family home, reduced to

Hostile silence and

Angry thoughts.

It can never be the same,

It will never be the same.

Serious Business

As a teenager with only the barest of introductions into how large companies and corporations work, some things about my part time job terrify me.

I work Saturdays and occasionally during the week at a newsagents (or “convenience store” I guess) about five minutes walk away from my house. Let me tell you, it’s very convenient. However, being part of a much larger chain of stores across the country, there are parts of my job that can be incredibly intimidating.

I mean there’s the nice easy stuff like being on the tills and chatting to regulars and having banter with my co-workers. All the stuff I’m happy to go to work for.

Then there’s the stuff that gets my heart going, my palms sweating and has me wishing I was still 12 and my only responsibility was staying awake in maths on a Tuesday. The lottery machine, stock checking and asking for ID are among these things. It’s the thought of, if I do one of these things wrong, I could get in serious trouble. With the company, with the law, or worse…. with my boss.

Don’t get me wrong, my boss is a great person. I think. I mean they’re really nice… I suppose. Let’s just say they get the job done. And “the job” apparently doesn’t include being friendly or amicable. Ever.

I respect this person a whole lot. Keeping a store on its feet, sorting out staff and stock and everything else under the sun and still being able to correct a 17 year old’s fuck-ups without breaking down on a daily basis. I really admire that. But would it kill you to smile? To not make me feel like I’m doing everything wrong? I know I probably am but hey, just tell me. Don’t dead pan me every time I try to lighten the mood with a joke.

This honestly just sounds like me being butt-hurt over little things but honestly my biggest pet peeve is bad manners and not being civil or polite. Just smile and say hello/goodbye/please/thank you and I will have no problem with you whatsoever.

But back to my original point. The severity of my mistakes in this place scares me a lot. You know, in school if you mess up something you just get yelled at. Your mistakes only affect you. But in the working world, this stuff can get you in real trouble. If I don’t ID someone who turns out to be younger than 18 for cigarettes, I could literally go to jail. JAIL. I’m 17, and one mistake at my first job could literally have an effect on my whole life. And if I get one number wrong on the till, I could cost the company any amount that I wouldn’t be able to pay back. I’m literally terrified of that.

But all in all, my Saturday job’s alright I guess.

The Right Type?

Who is the right type of friend? How do we know who are the ones who deserve our friendship? What crosses the line between a few flaws that we learn to love, and being a bad friend? And how do we know we aren’t the bad friends?

Friendship is a strange one. Romantic love, understandable. I mean in nature, many animals mate for life. You know, soul mates and all that. Family love is the same, we protect our kind because we have to to survive. But friendship… what even is it?

It’s the people we get along with, that help us get through the day. Make us laugh, give us advice and help when we’re down. The people we don’t get bored of and can be ourselves with. Isn’t it?

I’m recently finding out it’s not always that simple.

Friends can be that. Those are the best friends. The people you can see yourself living with, and maybe you do. The ones that you have the amazing, hilarious stories with that only you find funny. Or at least they’re the people you could make those memories with.

But they can also be any combination of any of those things. They could be all, or just a few. There can be friends that after a few days together, you can absolutely despise, only to make up again after a little breather. You might have friends that you really don’t agree with. The ones who believe absolute rubbish about this and that and are always totally wrong, but at the same time, they make you laugh more than anyone else. The ones that maybe you can’t be your complete self with, but you like the parts you can show them. The ones that really get on your last nerve, but also push you to be the best person you can.

Friendships are so interchangeable. And sometimes more dangerous than romantic relationships. They can be just as volatile or abusive, they can be just as exciting. A new friendship, when you get on well but aren’t sure whether you could really commit to being, you know, besties, is like the first date. It’s like the first kiss. You’re testing them out, seeing if you fit together.

Everyone always says that friendships are far more important than partners, far more important than family, because these are the ones you pick and choose carefully. The ones that need to be there when stuff with everyone else goes balls-up. So choose your friend’s wisely.

There are, like I’ve mentioned, a lot of stuff that can make or break a friendship. In all honesty, my advice is just to stick with the ones that make you feel like a good person, and make you want to be an even better person. You’ll be a lot happier.

Age Appropriate

I became aware yesterday of how pretentious I sound a lot of the time. Especially in writing.

For example, in my last post “Shedding Skin”, I spoke about my experiences with losing friends and the act of dropping toxic people from my life. And as I was writing, I saw how out of my age I sounded. Kind of just… not what a seventeen year old should sound like.

When I say all of this stuff, I don’t mean to sound like I know everything. I know how young I am. I know I have many many years to come, if all goes to plan of course. But I can’t help but feel as though I know some shit, you know?

We as teenagers are so pushed and moulded into becoming the adults we are supposed to be, at an early age. I mean for crying out loud, we have to first choose what kind of course of action our lives will take at age 14, sometimes 13. I chose my GCSE subjects that I would have qualifications in (that will stick to me for the rest of my life, by the way) at age 13. In Year 9. I hope I chose well. Then it’s A levels or Jobs or University and the adults that teach us all of this make us believe that this will be it. Forever. It’s hard not to feel adult when we’re making such adult decisions straight from the onset.

As well as this, teenagers and even children nowadays are so indoctrinated into the adult technological world that there’s almost no escape. Don’t get me wrong, I love Twitter as much as the next white girl but this advance in access to information means that children are exposed to any number of things the moment they open the Google App.

For instance, my little brother (he’s seven) got tablet for his last birthday, and the Christmas before that, an XBox. This means that, unfortunately for my step-mother, he has constant access to anything the internet can throw at him. And that is a terrifying amount of stuff that is definitely not age-appropriate. (Another example, my boyfriend’s younger brother of the same age once went to Google “X-Men” (as a huge comic fan) and accidentally went for “XXX Men”. You can only imagine what his mother walked in on).

Back to my original point: I don’t want to sound like a know-it-all teenager that thinks they’ve lived through it all and knows better. That’s not me, honest.

But I do actually know some stuff. A word to parents and teachers: don’t underestimate your children’s ability to act mature and understanding of the world around them. I know teenagers who have gone through more than many adults could even imagine. I’m not saying they know best or even know what they’re doing half the time, but next time you think they’re acting beyond their age, just remember what it was like. It could save a life.