humor – Jessica G Allen

20 Things To Do Before I’m 20

So, last week, I turned nineteen. It was a great day. I spent the morning with Connor and his family, relaxing, before coming home to spend the afternoon with mum and pampering myself before holding a surprise birthday party for my mum, which went better than I could have expected. I ended the night by going from the party to a club in town and then forgetting my door key when I got home.

And it was great.

But really, in all honesty I’m excited about being this age. When I was a kid all I wanted was to be older, and now that I am older and I can literally do… anything I want. It’s almost debilitating. I can do anything. So.. to counter that… I do nothing.

So, to celebrate the next year of my life, I’ve come up with a list of somewhat realistic, and somewhat ridiculous, things that I’d like to do by this time next year…

1. Stop being afraid of of making phone calls

And actually learn how to make a phone call in a busy office… no one is listening, and I need to remember that.

2. Save over £1000

Which I am well on the way of achieving! Result!

3. Go on a city break

Another one. Athens and Prague in 2016 were some of the best experiences I’ve ever had, and having the independence to be wandering the world without adult supervision is something that I can’t wait to experience more.

4. Go on a relaxing sun holiday

When I was younger I got bored doing the same thing on sun holidays, but now that I’m working full-time, and rarely see the sun when it rears its head in Britain, I feel the much-needed warmth on my face and a cocktail in my hand…

5. Take part in a blogging opportunity

Whether thats a sponsored post, a collaboration, going to an event… I want to start working with more people. (If you want to hit me up my gmail is jallen7137@gmail.com!!)

6. Reach 1000 Twitter followers

Currently on 800+ so I think we got this. Might sound silly to some, but it would be cool.

7. Reach 200 WordPess followers

8. Host a giveaway

Keep your eyes peeled for this one… coming soon!

9. Start giving away books and clearing out

I’m hoping to start the practice of re-reading a book and then giving it away to someone, or to a charity shop, so that im not hoarding them any more. I have way too many books…

10. Actually start my scrap book

It’s been about 4 years since I was gifted this gorgeous Paperchase scrapbook from my mum, and I have a huge box full of souvenirs from the past 10 years of my life to fill it up with. I just… never had the chance.

11. Go to the beach

I haven’t been on a beach day in my actual home town in a long, long time. It’s something I want to do every summer but never have the chance to, and this year I can drive, so bring it on!

12. Solo trip

I want to go somewhere new, completely alone. For a day, a weekend, wherever.

13. Buy a high-end makeup product

Like… really high-end. Not just something expensive from Boots. I wanna be reckless and buy something that my face absolutely does not need, but it wants. (Send me suggestions of what my first high-end product should be in the comments).

14. Eat better

I’ve fallen back into some horrifically unhealthy eating patterns and maybe that’s why I’m not feeling so great recently… time to crack out the veggies.

15. Go vegetarian for a week

I’ve tried incorporating vegetarian meals into my daily life, so a meat-free hot lunch at work, and Quorn products for dinner, but I’d love to start making a real difference to my diet and consumption.

16. Go for a massage

I’ve only ever been for a professional massage once before and, as someone who loves getting pampered, it was like my idea of heaven. Definitely treating myself when I get stressed soon.

17. Get into an exercise routine

What I’ve been working with recently…

18. Go on a Colour Run

19. Play Lazer Tag

20. Get another tattoo

And there you go, my 20 Before 20. I will hopefully, this time next year, be checking back in with these to make sure I’ve done all I wanted to do, which would be awesome.

Until then, what do you want to do before you’re 20? Or 30? Should I make these into a series? Let me know!

Jess

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19 Things I’ve Learned at 19

It’s my birthday!! Shower me with gifts and love! Love me! Kidding. But yeah, I’m 19 today (scary Mary), and I feel old.

Like, I know I’m not old. I’m actually very young. I’ve loads of living left to do. But, like every other entitled and narcissistic millenial, I feel like I have a wealth of experiences to draw on at my young age.

So, here are the 19 things I’ve learned at the ripe old age of 19. You’re welcome.

1. Always Give More Than You Get

Follow this, and you’ll never be in the wrong again. Always give 110%, and you can be sure that when things go downhill, you don’t have to worry about yourself, because you did everything you possibly could

2. Cover Your Arse

Similar to the last point, but honestly will save you so much time and arguments. Just do everything the first time, and make sure you think of everything before charging in.

3. If Possible, Take the High Road

It makes you look better. But, if they really hurt you, aint nothing wrong with getting it off your chest.

4. Don’t Be Petty

It’s ugly. You’re better than that.

5. Drink More Water!!!

6. Worrying About Money Won’t Give You More Money

Unless you are at critical situation, stop worrying about money. You’re so young. What the fuck.

7. Problem? Have a Bath

8. More Problems? Go Outside

Fresh air: it works. Who knew?

9. Laugh At Yourself, and Everyone Else Will Laugh With You

In an awkward or embarrassing situation? Laugh it off. It’ll make everyone else comfortable, and make yourself feel better when they’re laughing with you, rather than at you.

10. Stretch More

Trust me.

11. Change Your Bedding, Do Some Dusting, and Hoover More

A clean environment makes for a clean and healthy mind.

12. Stop Playing Yourself Down To Everyone

You are interesting, you are funny, and you are pretty. I mean it. You know it, so prove it.

13. It’s Better to Be ‘Silly-Funny’ Than ‘Mean-Funny’

14. You Will Never Regret Making More Effort, You Will Only Regret Making Less

15. Stop Thinking Everything Means Something. It Doesn’t.

Sometimes shit happens, and we have to just accept it. It doesn’t have an almighty meaning, and it doesn’t count towards your karma-points. Learn from things, and move on. Stop making meaning when there isn’t any.

16. Stop Thinking Everything You Do Has To Mean Something. It Doesn’t.

You want to eat 3 cheeseburgers in a row? Go for it. You want to get a tattoo of a panda holding a rifle? Why the hell not? You want to write a book about what it’s like to be YOU? Do it. Not everything has to be Big and Meaningful.

17. Remember Your Age

You’re young. Stop thinking like an 80 year old. Do something stupid. Make mistakes. It’s okay.

18. You’re Allowed To Be Sad Sometimes

19. But Being Sad Will Get You Nowhere

Get help. Do things. Make connections. Nothing is worth feeling like it’s the end of the world, but having to smile anyway.

And there you have it. My impartial bits of wisdom that I have selflessly shared with you lot so you don’t make the same mistakes as me. But at the same time, what do I know? A year from now I could be making another one of these posts and say exactly the opposite of everything I’ve just said so… do whatever you want. Or something.

Honestly though, thank you for following me on this little blog for as long as you have, even if you haven’t for very long. I’m still working at this blogging thing (and generally this ‘life’ thing) and doing this makes things a lot more fun and interesting. I look forward to the next year of my life carrying on with this blog and meeting more of you lovely people.

Here’s to the next year (THE LAST ONE OF BEING A TEENAGER).

Jess x

Winter Favourites! // 2016-2017

As stated previously, due to the fact that I am poor, my favourites tend to be seasonal, rather than monthly, like many of my blogging buddies. But that’s okay! It just means they’re meatier and chock full of stuff that I’m going to peer pressure you into buying! (Kidding)

So, here are my 2016-17 Winter Favourites!

Fashion

Blanket Scarf – Primark

I got this scarf for Christmas and I honestly have worn it every single day since. It’s so cozy and soft, and is perfect for when the heating at work packs up and when I’m too tired to function.

Box Jumpers – New Look

One of these jumpers was featured in my Winter OOTD post from Blogmas 2016, and I actually have three of these. One in black, one mint and one dusky pink and I am obsessed. They are so cheap, easy to wear and style and so comfy for the cold days. I honestly really hope these come back next winter too.

Dressing Gown – Tesco

Another Christmas goodie, this time from Mum. It was her personal mission to find me a new dressing gown that I liked for Christmas (I’m v fussy). And safe to say she did well. This dressing gown is honestly the softest, cosiest thing I’ve ever felt, it fits perfectly and the hood even has little bobble ears on. What more could you possibly ask for?

Beauty

Supercat Liquid Eyeliner Supercat Liquid Eyeliner – Soap and Glory

Once again, a Christmas gifted item. I was absolutely not expecting this one from a family friend, but they did so well with it. A proper review will be coming soon,as I’ve been meaning to write one since Christmas Day, but you’ll already know that it’s a favourite!

iDivine Eyeshadow Palette in ‘All Night Long’ – Sleek

I wasn’t into eyeshadow at all until I purchased my Revolution 12 Days of Christmas Box on Black Friday last year, but since then I’ve had a bit of a spend on more drugstore palettes, including this one. The colours are beautiful and blend and match so well and the pigmentation of them is incredible value for money.

Brightside Bubble Bar – LUSH

Yes, I’m still raving about this bloody bubble bar. And yes, I did get three for Christmas (and another for my birthday this week…). What can I say? I’m a citrus lover.

Music

Bad Behaviour – The Maine

I’ve loved The Maine for about four years now (wow) and even though my emo phase has somewhat passed, this band never will. I’m seeing them live for the second time in a few weeks (March at the Electric Ballroom, Camden) and I couldn’t be more excited, especially for the upcoming album Lovely, Little, Lonely. Everything this band makes makes me happy, and they’re like a warm hug to my emotions.

Last Cigarrette – Darwin Deez

I discovered this song while listening to The Hannah Witton Show at work, and it just grabbed me, you know? It’s one of those songs that makes me want to dance and sing to in the car and I don’t know. It’s just catchy. Go listen.

Night People – You Me at Six

I first listened to the Night People single when it was released in the autumn and found it good, but not enough to be really excited. It was only when I found out that YMAS are doing a UK tour (which I am going to!!) in the Spring that I decided maybe I should listen to their latest album. And I honestly love it. Every song is awesome, and YMAS are one of the bands that I think only get better.

Other

The Hannah Witton Show – FUBAR Radio

What gets me through those long, dark days stuck in the office, you ask? Well, here’s your answer. I got into Hannah’s content after finding her YouTube channel, and resolutely identifying with everything she stands for. When I found out she hosted a podcast/radio show every week that I could listen to FOR FREE, I got even more obsessed. Every one of Hannah’s radio episodes are absolute gold, and you’re never left bored.If you’re a fan of sex jokes, rudeness and familiar YouTube faces, check this out!

Driving!!

So, as some of you may know (and some of you may not) I passed my driving test at the start of December. Yessssssss. Being able to drive my little Edna (my KA) around just us two, blaring the ‘tunes and generally being awesome… it’s a good feeling. And also not having to get lifts all the time is nice.

So there you go, my Winter Favourites. Honestly, the past couple of months have been very up and down, life-wise, and I’m so excited to get into spring as there are some really exciting things coming up.

What were your favourites from over Christmas and New Year, and are any of yours the same as mine? Let me know! And I’ll see you again at the end of the week for a special birthday post! Thanks!

Jess x

Things I Learnt Working At Primark

For a brief period of 2016, I had a part-time job at my local Primark. Yes, Primark. The holy grail store that is internationally known for being so bloody cheap and oh my God. That one.Continue reading “Things I Learnt Working At Primark”

The Real Neat Blog Award!// Tag

I promise, I’m trying to get my shit together. I really am.

As still trying to get into the swing of things blog-wise (as always am), and because I was tagged by the lovely TaniaWrites to complete this tag (say tag more), and… that’s honestly all I have to say. Makes a change.Continue reading “The Real Neat Blog Award!// Tag”

How to Save Money in 2017! // Life Hacks

Hi! I’m back! And better than ever (ish). And better yet, I’m back with a post that might be able to help some of you lot with your resolutions (if you’re still steadfastly running towards them at full speed, of course).

If one of your New Year goals/resolutions was to save money (which is one of mine, and I struggle daily not to spend my money on ridiculous crap like More Blankets and my 47th Pair of Pyjamas or something), then I’m here to help!

1. Create a Savings Account/Method

Simple, but effective. If you’re one of those people that tells yourself “I can keep it in my current account, I promise I wont touch it”, you are wrong, and that is a lie. You will touch that money you were supposed to save, and regret it.

My solution is to, simply, create a savings account. It’s not difficult, and if you connect it up to your current account then transfers can be made easily and quickly with no fuss.

Alternatively, if you’re younger and don’t have a bank account, or access to a savings account, my advice would be to create a place to put your savings that you can’t touch except for emergencies. This reduces the risk of ‘dipping into’ your savings for things that you “need” like more lipstick and another packet of Mini Eggs (of which I am guilty).

Something like a lockable money-box (and giving someone else a key) or even giving your money that you want to save to a parent or guardian to save for you could be foolproof.

2. Save STRAIGHT AWAY

This is something I’ve recently learnt to do, and it is to save your money as soon as you get it. If you get paid at the end of the month, don’t wait until the end of the next month to transfer it over to your savings. I’ve witnessed so many people get to the end of the month, and panic, because they literally have like 12p in the bank, and no way out.

When you get money, put it safely away as soon as you get it. That way, if you run out of money, you can dip into your savings if needed, but then you don’t feel invincible with all this money, that ideally you haven’t got. Then, linking back to the first point, if you put your savings in a secure place that takes time and effort to get into, then you’ll think twice about touching your savings when you really shouldn’t be. (Also, seeing that number in the savings account get high is a REALLY good feeling).

3. Have a Copper Can

This is one of my favourite tips of all time, ever. In 2010, my Dad bought me a money-box. It was really cute and helpful for 12 year old me to put my coins in, but there was a catch: it didn’t open. The only way in, was through the money-in gap, or to smash it open. So I saved. And saved and saved. The only things that went into it were coppers (1 and 2ps) and 5ps.

A few weeks ago, with the money-box full to bursting, I smashed it open with a hammer, and took the proceeds to one of those ‘count-my’change machine. I’d managed to save up around a tenner. Might not seem like much, especially as it was over about 7 years, but to have this little amount constantly growing on my windowsill could be the difference between eating for two weeks for some people. So, before you chuck away that penny, think twice, and put it in a jar.

4. Make a Monthly Budget

Might be obvious, but I never did this. If you know how much you ought to be earning a month on average (e.g. without overtime or extra money coming in), write it down. Then write down your necessary outgoings (so for me, it’s things like car insurance, petrol, my phone contract, etc). This could also include things like your regular outgoings, like gym memberships, or subscription box subscriptions.

This will allow you to see what you need to spend on, what you don’t need to spend on, and then might also help you keep track of your spending.

5. Pack Your Lunch and Drinks

Carry water with you at all times. Put a bottle in your car, and one in your bag (and gym bag!) and keep them full. This will stop you having to buy drinks and bottles when you’re out and about.

If you regularly buy lunch from school, college, or work (or near work), then pack your lunches the night before (you could even get them ready a few days before), to stop you nipping to the shop for biscuits (guilty), or to Subway for lunch.

It might not be great for your ‘healthy eating’ resolution, but even keeping a chocolate bar, packet of crisps or cereal bar in your bag (or car) could be make the difference of spending £1 on something from the shop every day (and think: that could save £365 over the year!)

6. Take Part in Savings Challenges

There are tonnes of saving challenges online, just Google it! Things like the No Spend Challenge No Spend Challenge, the 52 Weeks Challenge and the Penny A Day Challenge.

Little things that you could take part in, along with friends and family who also want to save money this year (or you could even join money-saving and budgeting groups on Facebook and pages on Pinterest for inspiration. These methods are ready-made and fool-proof to helping you save – maybe more – than you could have hoped!

7. Keep Your Receipts

As fiddly and annoying as this one is (annoying especially when your mum constantly tells you to), keep your receipts. Not only will this help remind you of the stupid shit you bought (did you really need that NERF gun?), but it will also help you keep track of where your money is going, and where you may need to excercise more control.

If at the end of the month, you’re sifting through one million and one Starbucks receipts, or ten million receipts with the word ‘CARRIER BAG – O.5p’ on them, then its time to reevaluate your life choices a bit.

Have a special box, tin or drawer, just to keep your receipts in, and go through it every so often (especially if you use cash on the regular! Online bank statements make looking at your expenses easier these days).

And there we go. My top tips for saving money in 2017. I hope they were (somewhat) helpful and that you (maybe) learnt some new tips that you didn’t before. Here’s to saving money in 2017, to make 2018 and the years after even better!

Let me know what your saving goals and resolutions are for this year, and how you’re planning on staying on track. Also let me know if you’d like to see any other money-saving tips and tricks in the comments! Til next time,

Jess x

REVIEW: If I Was Your Girl – Meredith Russo

Honestly, I don’t know where to start with this. I’ve always just told myself that I’m awful at reviews, and to leave them far far away, for other people to write, and honestly I’m a little scared to attempt this. But you know what? 2017 is the year of facing fears, I think (maybe) and I’d like to start writing reviews. So here goes (cue superior-sounding and intimidating review-er voice)…

If I Was Your Girl – Meredith Russo

If I Was Your Girl tells the, frankly overdone, story of a young girl who has to start a new school, and her struggles through making new friends, first loves and parent troubles. It’s one of those basic story premises that’s been done and done a thousand times over, the world over. I’m sure that no matter the culture, religion, race, every teenage girl has once wanted to read about the life of another teenage girl.

But with this, there’s something different.

And it’s not something that you have to wait until the last page for, either (which is something I personally don’t have the patience for). From the get-go (even the blurb, actually), we – the audience – are aware that Amanda, our beautiful, smart, nerdy and mysterious protagonist, used to be known as Andrew.

Meredith Russo’s debut novel details the post-transition Amanda’s life as she tries to make it safely from high school to the World Beyond – something of which I’m sure we can all relate to. But Meredith’s life as a trans woman has enabled her to transform a somewhat over-done story into one that I think – honestly – everyone should read. Or at least read about. The simple fact of the matter is: there aren’t enough stories about trans people.

Now, as much as I could, I’m not going to make this post about trans issues. It is not my place, nor my right to address issues faced by those in the trans community.I have never faced gender identity issues, and I can’t imagine ever doing so, and that is where I will leave my knowledge on the subject. However, if a trans person, or someone struggling with gender identity issues is reading this: I support you, you are brave and amazing and you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, I am here.

Now that that is out of the way, I’m going to continue by saying that this review is not going to address the serious matters of gender identity, transgenderism and social inequalities, as I simply haven’t got the words – or the authority – to do so. I will, however, review this book as a book.

If I Was Your Girl, while hugely important and eye-opening for someone who is cis-gendered and uneducated, could have been better, book-wise.

The subject matter, while fascinating and wonderful in its modest glory (Amanda’s brief descriptions of the transition process I felt were a nice way to satisfy reader’s curiosities, while remaining steadfast in her secretive nature, and were well played-down by the author), could have been paced much better.

My biggest problem with IIWYG was simply the pacing. I felt this book could have been light-years longer. It felt rushed, and because of this, characters and their actions often felt unrealistic, and it could sometimes feel as though Meredith – the author – knew things that the audience didn’t, but forgot, and described scenes and emotions as thus.

While I can see the advantages of trying to write a book – particularly a YA book, as this is intended – that is long enough to be a story, while being short enough to keep young reader’s attentions, I felt this was just not long enough. There simply wasn’t enough space to put all the emotions of someone who has been through so much, on paper in just under 300 pages. I often felt as though, if I were in Amanda’s situation, I’d need a hell of a lot more time to digest some information and make some decisions, than she did. But that’s just me.

Some may complain that IIWYG was too shallow. That it only tread the very shortest of depths that LGBTQIA+ fiction could do, but I think that’s enough. For now, at least. The general public may still be wary of literature that dives too deep into the minds and bodies of those who aren’t “normal” (and I use that term sarcastically, if you didn’t guess), and, while some of us may be ready to dive deep, the world might not be yet. Baby steps.

But, If I Was Your Girl did exactly as it was supposed to, and for that I commend it. It made me laugh. It made me sad and angry. It made me love Amanda and Virginia and Layla and Grant. It made me hate others. It made me feel that first-love, first-kiss, first-everything feeling that we all crave sometimes. And it made me more aware.

And for a mainstream, published, printed and talked about book (If I Was Your Girl has actually been featured in Zoella’s book club with W H Smith for this year, which is incredible and huge for the author, to have someone as influential as Zoe recommending this story to her millions of avid fans…) to hold such power and knowledge. The power to turn attention towards this issue that the world faces (by issue I mean transphobia and homophobia, etc), is fantastic.

I urge you all to pick up this book (or download it.. whatever you fancy), and just try it. Your age, your gender, your sexuality, your reading preferences do not matter. You should read this, for your own education.

Thanks guys, let me know if I did OK for my first book review (that’s been published on this site). Also let me know what’s on your reading lists for 2017, I need recommendations!

Jess x

Goodbye 2016!

I wanted to have completed this post by the close of 2016 but, as you can tell, that didn’t go so well.

Especially in terms of this blog, the end of 2016 for me was nowhere near as productive, exciting or fun as the rest of the year certainly was, which is a shame. I think after so many months of strict routine, 9-5 and motivation, this holiday took it out of me and I just sort of crashed, especially towards the end of blogmas. I’m actually severely disappointed that my blogmas plans didn’t work out, I had it all ready and rearing to go but by the middle-end of December I sort of fizzled out. Continue reading “Goodbye 2016!”

“Is My Content OK?” // Blogmas Day 7

Happy blogmas day 7, guys! How has your December been so far? Good? Awesome. Continue reading ““Is My Content OK?” // Blogmas Day 7″

Trichotillomania & Cover Up Tips! // Blogmas Day 6

I thought it was about time that I got back to writing about That Thing That I Have, because I sort of ignored it on the blog for a little while I was trying to get my name out there, blogging-wise.But I suppose that if you’re sort of ignoring the reason you started blogging in the first place, then you might as well not be doing it at all. Or something.Continue reading “Trichotillomania & Cover Up Tips! // Blogmas Day 6”