To continue my little life series, I thought I’d make a post about how to start off the ‘University Journey’. Sounds nice and easy, doesn’t it? Well, we’ll see.Continue reading “Finding the Uni For You”
Ah, September. Here we are again. Back to school, back to winter coats and covering up, back to life. It’s time to dust off your text books and get back to all those horrible responsibilities. Continue reading “Do I Want To Go To Uni?”
They say “time heals all wounds” and, as much as it sucks to say, it really does. This applies to both the physical and the psychological. I mean, if you lose a leg you’re probably not getting that one back. But after some time, it won’t be bleeding any more. That’s kind of what I’m getting at here.Continue reading “Time Heals”
A few weeks ago, just before I was supposed to go and visit my first choice university for an open day, I decided to defer my place.Continue reading “Put it Off”
Today, I saw the doctor. Continue reading “Help Is a Four-Letter Word.”
At the start of this academic year (about a month and a half ago), I swore to myself that this year would be different.
I swore to myself, and everyone around me (mainly to give myself more of an incentive to actually do it) that I would change. I would do all the things that everyone says they’re going to do, and never even begin. I found this very easy to say, as the summer holidays drew to a close, and the new school year came fast around the corner. For some reason the idea of starting anew as I begin a new year of my ever-decreasing education seems more achievable to me than, say, making those infamous ‘New Year Resolutions’ on January 1st.
The list of changes I wanted to incorporate this past September included things like working harder in college (as am currently in last year of A levels, this is v important), eating healthier, cutting out bad habits, cutting out even worse habits, eating better, and doing things for me. Things that I hoped would ultimately put me in the best possible place to catapult me into the future I really want for myself.
Thing is, I really want these things. I really, desperately want to be that kind of person that everyone hates because they just have their shit together (excuse my french). I want to be the person that rocks up to the gym at 5am, works out intensely, looking amazing while doing so, then has hardcore study sessions, and on top of that, has a great social life to brag about.
Of course, all that is the stuff of cheesy business-man films and even those people who seem to have it all together on Instagram don’t actually have their lives together to that extent. On top of that, I had to realize at some point that even if I had all that, I wouldn’t necessarily be better of, or even happier.
So I had to make compromises. I still struggle with concentration and motivation (hence why I’m writing this blog post and not my comprehension questions for media) and I still have those terrible habits, like long lie ins and too much chocolate. But I am trying. And, she adds proudly, seeing improvements.
I’ve seen improvements in my body (being more awake/alert, getting fitter from cheer-leading), my brain (focusing more, motivated with my college work) and my emotional/mental health (which is still fluctuating, but really, I’m trying). And it’s nice to see.
Not to mention I’ve done a lot. For myself, that is. I’ve started my university applications, made doctors and dentist appointments (very helpful with recovering from anxiety issues) and trying to stay with the right social circle that are going to support and motivate me to carry on with this good behaviour (still working out the kinks).
What I’ve found with this whole re-inventing/improving yourself malarky, is not to cut and paste an entirely new persona all at once. It’s about making small, doable changes, and once you’ve achieved them, working on the next thing. One step at a time.
I can do this…
Who is the right type of friend? How do we know who are the ones who deserve our friendship? What crosses the line between a few flaws that we learn to love, and being a bad friend? And how do we know we aren’t the bad friends?
Friendship is a strange one. Romantic love, understandable. I mean in nature, many animals mate for life. You know, soul mates and all that. Family love is the same, we protect our kind because we have to to survive. But friendship… what even is it?
It’s the people we get along with, that help us get through the day. Make us laugh, give us advice and help when we’re down. The people we don’t get bored of and can be ourselves with. Isn’t it?
I’m recently finding out it’s not always that simple.
Friends can be that. Those are the best friends. The people you can see yourself living with, and maybe you do. The ones that you have the amazing, hilarious stories with that only you find funny. Or at least they’re the people you could make those memories with.
But they can also be any combination of any of those things. They could be all, or just a few. There can be friends that after a few days together, you can absolutely despise, only to make up again after a little breather. You might have friends that you really don’t agree with. The ones who believe absolute rubbish about this and that and are always totally wrong, but at the same time, they make you laugh more than anyone else. The ones that maybe you can’t be your complete self with, but you like the parts you can show them. The ones that really get on your last nerve, but also push you to be the best person you can.
Friendships are so interchangeable. And sometimes more dangerous than romantic relationships. They can be just as volatile or abusive, they can be just as exciting. A new friendship, when you get on well but aren’t sure whether you could really commit to being, you know, besties, is like the first date. It’s like the first kiss. You’re testing them out, seeing if you fit together.
Everyone always says that friendships are far more important than partners, far more important than family, because these are the ones you pick and choose carefully. The ones that need to be there when stuff with everyone else goes balls-up. So choose your friend’s wisely.
There are, like I’ve mentioned, a lot of stuff that can make or break a friendship. In all honesty, my advice is just to stick with the ones that make you feel like a good person, and make you want to be an even better person. You’ll be a lot happier.
I became aware yesterday of how pretentious I sound a lot of the time. Especially in writing.
For example, in my last post “Shedding Skin”, I spoke about my experiences with losing friends and the act of dropping toxic people from my life. And as I was writing, I saw how out of my age I sounded. Kind of just… not what a seventeen year old should sound like.
When I say all of this stuff, I don’t mean to sound like I know everything. I know how young I am. I know I have many many years to come, if all goes to plan of course. But I can’t help but feel as though I know some shit, you know?
We as teenagers are so pushed and moulded into becoming the adults we are supposed to be, at an early age. I mean for crying out loud, we have to first choose what kind of course of action our lives will take at age 14, sometimes 13. I chose my GCSE subjects that I would have qualifications in (that will stick to me for the rest of my life, by the way) at age 13. In Year 9. I hope I chose well. Then it’s A levels or Jobs or University and the adults that teach us all of this make us believe that this will be it. Forever. It’s hard not to feel adult when we’re making such adult decisions straight from the onset.
As well as this, teenagers and even children nowadays are so indoctrinated into the adult technological world that there’s almost no escape. Don’t get me wrong, I love Twitter as much as the next white girl but this advance in access to information means that children are exposed to any number of things the moment they open the Google App.
For instance, my little brother (he’s seven) got tablet for his last birthday, and the Christmas before that, an XBox. This means that, unfortunately for my step-mother, he has constant access to anything the internet can throw at him. And that is a terrifying amount of stuff that is definitely not age-appropriate. (Another example, my boyfriend’s younger brother of the same age once went to Google “X-Men” (as a huge comic fan) and accidentally went for “XXX Men”. You can only imagine what his mother walked in on).
Back to my original point: I don’t want to sound like a know-it-all teenager that thinks they’ve lived through it all and knows better. That’s not me, honest.
But I do actually know some stuff. A word to parents and teachers: don’t underestimate your children’s ability to act mature and understanding of the world around them. I know teenagers who have gone through more than many adults could even imagine. I’m not saying they know best or even know what they’re doing half the time, but next time you think they’re acting beyond their age, just remember what it was like. It could save a life.