Finding the Uni For You

To continue my little life series, I thought I’d make a post about how to start off the ‘University Journey’. Sounds nice and easy, doesn’t it? Well, we’ll see.Read More »

“Insert-Motivational-Quote-Here”

At the start of this academic year (about  a month and a half ago), I swore to myself that this year would be different.

I swore to myself, and everyone around me (mainly to give myself more of an incentive to actually do it) that I would change. I would do all the things that everyone says they’re going to do, and never even begin. I found this very easy to say, as the summer holidays drew to a close, and the new school year came fast around the corner. For some reason the idea of starting anew as I begin a new year of my ever-decreasing education seems more achievable to me than, say, making those infamous ‘New Year Resolutions’ on January 1st.

The list of changes I wanted to incorporate this past September included things like working harder in college (as am currently in last year of A levels, this is v important), eating healthier, cutting out bad habits, cutting out even worse habits, eating better, and doing things for me. Things that I hoped would ultimately put me in the best possible place to catapult me into the future I really want for myself.

Thing is, I really want these things. I really, desperately want to be that kind of person that everyone hates because they just have their shit together (excuse my french). I want to be the person that rocks up to the gym at 5am, works out intensely, looking amazing while doing so, then has hardcore study sessions, and on top of that, has a great social life to brag about.

Of course, all that is the stuff of cheesy business-man films and even those people who seem to have it all together on Instagram don’t actually have their lives together to that extent. On top of that, I had to realize at some point that even if I had all that, I wouldn’t necessarily be better of, or even happier.

So I had to make compromises. I still struggle with concentration and motivation (hence why I’m writing this blog post and not my comprehension questions for media) and I still have those terrible habits, like long lie ins and too much chocolate. But I am trying. And, she adds proudly, seeing improvements.

I’ve seen improvements in my body (being more awake/alert, getting fitter from cheer-leading), my brain (focusing more, motivated with my college work) and my emotional/mental health (which is still fluctuating, but really, I’m trying). And it’s nice to see.

Not to mention I’ve done a lot. For myself, that is. I’ve started my university applications, made doctors and dentist appointments (very helpful with recovering from anxiety issues) and trying to stay with the right social circle that are going to support and motivate me to carry on with this good behaviour (still working out the kinks).

What I’ve found with this whole re-inventing/improving yourself malarky, is not to cut and paste an entirely new persona all at once. It’s about making small, doable changes, and once you’ve achieved them, working on the next thing. One step at a time.

I can do this…

Right?

Justified Injustice // Poetry Series Part 3

Ode To Leelah

She. She. She

Was so beautiful.

Trapped, a soldier, a martyr.

She was strong. She was brave.

She. She. She

Was encaged, locked into this world

Misunderstood and forgotten.

Suffered in silence.

Brushed aside.

She is not he.

Lost in a world,

Where instinct

And inside mean nothing.

She fought too long, too hard

Undeserved pain, unrecognised.

She. She. She

Hurt by those

Supposed to love unconditionally,

She is not a beautiful story,

But she was beautiful.

She is not a tragic hero,

But a tragedy nonetheless.

She. She.

She.

Justified Injustice // Poetry Series

I Come From

I come from an easy life,

Lack of hardship,

Lack of labour,

Food waiting on the table,

Teachers waiting in the classroom.

I come from not having to fight,

For my freedom, for my rights.

But I come from “boys will be boys”

And “don’t go out alone”

I come from keys poised between fingers.

I come from fear.

I come from believing

I must be perfect, complacent

Never outspoken, never bossy,

“You run like a girl!”

And “don’t be a p*ssy!”

I come from a world

Where my gender dictates

What I can do,

And more importantly what I cannot.

Be the princess

You cannot save yourself.

That’s for the prince.

Unfunny jokes,

Where I belong in the kitchen

And “you can’t wear that”

Why should I not do

What my brothers can?

Why must I always be the lady

To forget how to look after myself?

I come from anger.

I come from overprotection.

I come from a man’s world.

I come from fear, fear, fear.