Too Much Information

Said to myself I’d start writing more. Well, I say that all the time but I know I’m not going to do as much as I’d like. Said I’d write a blog post every week. Work hard to get this little writing space up to where I’d like to see it. I’ve always set writing goals for myself and never reached them, like a failed new years resolution. However I don’t really mind not keeping it any more.

I was hoping to introduce the topic of depression a bit more stylistically, a bit more carefully on here. In a way that was tasteful, but not romanticizing. Considerate, yet completely honest.Read More »

The Beginner’s Guide to a Trichy Life: Common Questions

In reference to my previous post in this (shall I call it a series? Probably not popular enough to be called that but hey ho) series; “Introductions” (click for a link), I have decided to compile a list of all the awkward, embarrassing, sometimes downright offensive, and normal questions that people who suffer with Trich (Trichotillomania) receive.Read More »

The Contraceptive Injection // My Experience

(This may well be a bit TMI for some people. If you’re not mature enough to talk about contraception or “Girl Stuff” without being a dick, please just don’t read this at all. Thanks.)

Introduction

After struggling my whole life to take pills like painkillers, I didn’t think that taking The Contraceptive Pill was going to be much different. And it wasn’t. Even though the Pill is literally the smallest thing ever, I struggled with swallowing it. It wasn’t for me. But, as people close to me (mainly women, would you believe) told me, I needed some kind of safety method.Read More »

Keeping Busy

It feels like for the longest time now, I’ve just not stopped?

Not in the way of ‘I’ve not slept in weeks’ or ‘I’ve been incredibly busy doing this huge personal project’ or anything massive like that. It just kind of feels like for a few months now, I haven’t really let myself think.

I don’t tend to be alone very much any more. I don’t tend to sit and do nothing much. I keep myself extremely busy. And there is a reason for this.Read More »

A Beginner’s Guide to a Trichy Life: Introductions

Am currently sat, wondering how on earth to start this blog post. I know what I want it to be about, and roughly what I should mention… but how to start?

How do I introduce to, possibly total strangers, what I struggle with on a daily basis? How do I accurately explain to those reading (admittedly, not many), something that I feel defines me so? Where do I even begin?

Maybe from the beginning? Might be an idea?

Read More »

“Insert-Motivational-Quote-Here”

At the start of this academic year (about  a month and a half ago), I swore to myself that this year would be different.

I swore to myself, and everyone around me (mainly to give myself more of an incentive to actually do it) that I would change. I would do all the things that everyone says they’re going to do, and never even begin. I found this very easy to say, as the summer holidays drew to a close, and the new school year came fast around the corner. For some reason the idea of starting anew as I begin a new year of my ever-decreasing education seems more achievable to me than, say, making those infamous ‘New Year Resolutions’ on January 1st.

The list of changes I wanted to incorporate this past September included things like working harder in college (as am currently in last year of A levels, this is v important), eating healthier, cutting out bad habits, cutting out even worse habits, eating better, and doing things for me. Things that I hoped would ultimately put me in the best possible place to catapult me into the future I really want for myself.

Thing is, I really want these things. I really, desperately want to be that kind of person that everyone hates because they just have their shit together (excuse my french). I want to be the person that rocks up to the gym at 5am, works out intensely, looking amazing while doing so, then has hardcore study sessions, and on top of that, has a great social life to brag about.

Of course, all that is the stuff of cheesy business-man films and even those people who seem to have it all together on Instagram don’t actually have their lives together to that extent. On top of that, I had to realize at some point that even if I had all that, I wouldn’t necessarily be better of, or even happier.

So I had to make compromises. I still struggle with concentration and motivation (hence why I’m writing this blog post and not my comprehension questions for media) and I still have those terrible habits, like long lie ins and too much chocolate. But I am trying. And, she adds proudly, seeing improvements.

I’ve seen improvements in my body (being more awake/alert, getting fitter from cheer-leading), my brain (focusing more, motivated with my college work) and my emotional/mental health (which is still fluctuating, but really, I’m trying). And it’s nice to see.

Not to mention I’ve done a lot. For myself, that is. I’ve started my university applications, made doctors and dentist appointments (very helpful with recovering from anxiety issues) and trying to stay with the right social circle that are going to support and motivate me to carry on with this good behaviour (still working out the kinks).

What I’ve found with this whole re-inventing/improving yourself malarky, is not to cut and paste an entirely new persona all at once. It’s about making small, doable changes, and once you’ve achieved them, working on the next thing. One step at a time.

I can do this…

Right?

This Place // Poetry Series Part 5

This house is not a home

Built with faded walls and

Crumbling ceilings

of words never meant.

This room is not a living room

The walls are too cold

and the living never enter,

Only lies, only death.

A green door,

Scratched paint, a faded number

Never judge a book,

Never judge a home

By its cover.

What you see is not

What is there.

A family home, reduced to

Hostile silence and

Angry thoughts.

It can never be the same,

It will never be the same.

Serious Business

As a teenager with only the barest of introductions into how large companies and corporations work, some things about my part time job terrify me.

I work Saturdays and occasionally during the week at a newsagents (or “convenience store” I guess) about five minutes walk away from my house. Let me tell you, it’s very convenient. However, being part of a much larger chain of stores across the country, there are parts of my job that can be incredibly intimidating.

I mean there’s the nice easy stuff like being on the tills and chatting to regulars and having banter with my co-workers. All the stuff I’m happy to go to work for.

Then there’s the stuff that gets my heart going, my palms sweating and has me wishing I was still 12 and my only responsibility was staying awake in maths on a Tuesday. The lottery machine, stock checking and asking for ID are among these things. It’s the thought of, if I do one of these things wrong, I could get in serious trouble. With the company, with the law, or worse…. with my boss.

Don’t get me wrong, my boss is a great person. I think. I mean they’re really nice… I suppose. Let’s just say they get the job done. And “the job” apparently doesn’t include being friendly or amicable. Ever.

I respect this person a whole lot. Keeping a store on its feet, sorting out staff and stock and everything else under the sun and still being able to correct a 17 year old’s fuck-ups without breaking down on a daily basis. I really admire that. But would it kill you to smile? To not make me feel like I’m doing everything wrong? I know I probably am but hey, just tell me. Don’t dead pan me every time I try to lighten the mood with a joke.

This honestly just sounds like me being butt-hurt over little things but honestly my biggest pet peeve is bad manners and not being civil or polite. Just smile and say hello/goodbye/please/thank you and I will have no problem with you whatsoever.

But back to my original point. The severity of my mistakes in this place scares me a lot. You know, in school if you mess up something you just get yelled at. Your mistakes only affect you. But in the working world, this stuff can get you in real trouble. If I don’t ID someone who turns out to be younger than 18 for cigarettes, I could literally go to jail. JAIL. I’m 17, and one mistake at my first job could literally have an effect on my whole life. And if I get one number wrong on the till, I could cost the company any amount that I wouldn’t be able to pay back. I’m literally terrified of that.

But all in all, my Saturday job’s alright I guess.